How do you handle the emotions that are felt and easily seen?
Pray for their heart and mind. Understand that they’re fighting a battle that is internal and the best way to help them is by bringing God on the scene so that He can work on them.
Ask how much space they need. Making the decision or knowing just what they need at the time that they need it is so important for what they’re going through. It doesn’t hurt to ask simple questions.
Do you want me to stay with you?
Do you need a little time?
Protect your heart. Find or schedule some time to do something that you will enjoy. Take some time for yourself so that they’re depression doesn’t overtake or overwhelm you.
Listen to them. Listen to what your loved one says and watch what they do. Sometimes their actions speak so much louder than their words. Answer their questions before offering your own solutions.
Get them outside. Whether it’s for a walk, a quick trip to an uncrowded store or just to sit and catch some rays. A breath of fresh air is vital.
Encourage them to speak to a therapist. To have an ear that can sift through what’s going on on the inside helps all of us. Take the ride with them to the therapist’s office. Offer to pay the co-pay. Sit and wait for them or silently participate in the session, if allowed.
Offer your assistance. Offer to help clean the house, watch their children, cook a meal. Offer to help and really help. Do something that they can see. It will eventually bring a smile to their face and they won’t forget it.
Check on them. Call or stop by. Let them know that you are praying for them. Listen and look for signs of improvement. Let them know about the changes that you see.
Be patient. Someone’s been patient with you, even if it was someone other than who you expected. Patiently be by your loved one’s side until they get through this time.
Believe God for their mental health. Have faith that God will bring them through this. They need you right now and your faith definitely makes the difference. Keep praying for them and believe and trust God for the greatest outcome. Your loved one will be ok.
One day you will both look back on this time and see that you’ve made it. Stay in their corner, praying and encouraging them to get to the other side. By the way, God will reward you for hanging in there!
It’s a #WAR Story Wednesday at #sheplants! (one of my FB groups), I’m here to tell my War Story that’s Real and of Resilience.
For the past 25 years of my life I have worked in an all-male, all-white field (of which I am neither). I began working in the industry as a teenager. I worked tirelessly, with a spirit of excellence that was rewarded by promotions, wonderful opportunities and awesome relationships.
In the middle of the 25 years I switched companies (the companies are direct competitors) for an increase in pay. Again, I was rewarded as I was in the first corporation. This WAR Story sounds like a blessing because it was. My employment took care of my family. God blessed me in a place where I stood out like a sore thumb, where I met people everyday who did not want me. Instead of me feeling like the cactus (treated like so often), I was able to bloom like a tree and the fruit and branches gave my home provision. (I’m poetic 😁).
The reason that I compare myself to a tree is because throughout the past quarter of a century (yes, girl, Mama looks good for her age), I endured several storms. As I said earlier, women and color were not factors of my workplace, especially being a single parent. There were trainings that required travel (I never missed any in 25 years). I often worked 24/7 being on call, while raising my kids, might I add. If you are close to me, I’m sorry about the times that I left the table, or the room, to take yet another phone call, or worse, pull out my laptop.
Some people may say, “you had a job”! Believe me when I say that I am not complaining. I’m just telling my story. Did I mention the enormous amount of discrimination that I dealt with? Probably not, and unfortunately, that’s as far as I can go with that topic at this time.
Yet, and still, I was and am blessed. I was able to accomplish so much while underneath so much pressure. I took it, I dealt with it, I smiled and oh, I CONQUERED. I learned how to let my voice be heard. My work and my reputation spoke LOUDLY for me. Through childbirth, separation, divorce, child-rearing, school (both theological and college education), trials, tribulations, relationships, rebirth, courting, marriage and graduations, I made it!
Millennials are now in control (that’s what I’m told) and my time in that industry is done. I believe that God has new waters for me. Stay tuned as I write about it more in depth because there are so many stories to tell. I just wanted to share this war story with you to say that I made it!
You never heard the alarm clock. You’re running late. Your pet vomits in front of the door way. You forgot to sign paperwork that’s needed today. The car is acting up. You don’t have the exact change for the bus/train. You bang your bad foot against the door. There’s an accident on the highway. Your boss/teacher has warned you about being late and to make matters worse, they don’t like you.
There are many other scenarios that we encounter that may differ from the ones above, but we do understand that there are days when everything seems to go wrong. It feels like one big disappointment after another. This situations may even seem minor. We could be facing a trial, losing our homes, dealing with the loss of a loved one or anything that makes the little disappointments seem pale in comparison.
In the 15th and 16th chapters of 2 Samuel, King David, is dealing with a disappointing time in his life. His son, Absalom, wants to replace him on the throne, in his home and is trying to end his life! David is beyond disappointed, he’s grieving. It was at this time of extreme disappointment and grief that he said the prayer recorded in the 3rd Psalm.
Lord, how are they increased that trouble me! many are they that rise up against me. Many there be which say of my soul, There is no help for him in God. Selah. But thou, O LORD, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head. I cried unto the LORD with my voice, and He heard me out of His holy hill. Selah. I laid me down and slept; I awaked; for the LORD sustained me. I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people, that have set themselves against me round about. Psalm 3:1-6
David was a mess!
David’s faith kept him through a very, very ugly time in his life. Here he was running for his life, from his son. We can’t imagine his position and if you can, I pray that you have the strength to trust God to save you, because God saved David from this situation and avenged him too!
Are you in a mess?
Are you trusting God to keep you in, even while dealing with disappointments in your life? Are you running to God instead of away from the problems? Do you believe that God can lift you up and bring you above the disappointing areas in your life?
8 Reasons We Don’t Admit That We’re in A Depression!
• Christians don’t get depressed. This is a terrible misconception within the church. Christians do get depressed when there’s a breakdown in communication with God. When we fail to pray and/or fail to trust God with our issues, depression will make every attempt to creep in.
• People look at me funny. We have the tendency to care about how others view us. We care what others say and do and consistently look for their approval of us. This is a trap. How does God view you?-That should be our greatest concern and in a close 2nd place, How do you feel about you? Leave people to their own thoughts that you have no control or power over.
• People pretend to care. Rejection hurts to the core, especially when we’re depressed. It hurts when someone pretends to care for their own selfish wants or gain. We must steer clear of those who are not interested in our best interests. Pray about your relationships and stay away from those that are not good for your growth. Test how you truly feel while you’re with people. Do you feel insecure? Are you afraid to share your thoughts? Do you feel worse after you leave them? Pay attention to these signs.
• No one understands. One of the first emotions that can be associated with depression is loneliness. Either we isolate ourselves from others or it feels as though we are all alone. Sometimes even with people around, we find that our feelings are disregarded with quick phrases like, “get over it”, “don’t worry about it”, etc. When we feel alone or hear terms like these, we feel that no one understands. God understands, even Jesus expressed His hurt when He heard that Lazarus had died.
• False sense of regard. The fear of someone pretending to be in your corner paralyzes some people. For some reason, beyond my understanding, people will take advantage of your weakest moments. No one wants a fake person in their lives and for this reason we don’t talk about our depression.
•I don’t feel depressed./Denial. Don’t stand in the way of our own healing because we don’t admit that we’ve been down. We continue to go on with life as usual and ignore the fact that we haven’t smiled in a while. We say, “I’ll be fine”, to get us through the day. While these statements can help us, feeling down for too long will take a toll. Pay attention to the signs.
• Personal image. I have fallen into this category. You are the person that everyone looks to for help, for advice, for “the sunshine”; and now you’re feeling blue on the inside and don’t want to reveal this reality. God didn’t create us to be alone and you are not a 1-man island. Reach out for help. Ask God who you can trust to turn to and make an immediate appointment with your therapist. Talk to someone.
• Am I depressed? Hopefully, the answer is no, but if you are, get help. If you’ve been experiencing sad or down feelings longer than you should, which to me is more than 2-3 days, it’s time and yes, you are experiencing a depression. Prayerfully, a mild depression, but depression varies from mild to manic/clinical. Don’t you let depression win in your life. Admit it, seek help and conquer it!
God Wants You Happy!
God desires that you never live depressed. Will you get down sometimes? Yes. Will life go differently than what you wanted or expected sometimes? Yes. We serve a God Who strengthens us for the journey and is concerned about you. He is waiting and willing to carry you through every storm.
It’s Time to Be Happy! Don’t let depression get the best of you.
Sometimes, we don’t notice that we or someone close to us is depressed. The symptoms are set aside by the busyness of everyday life and oftentimes by denial. We rush pass the warning signs.
Depression is a state of mind that can last a few minutes, a few hours, a few weeks, a few months or even a few years. It is feeling low, down or sad. Yes, you can go into a depressed state and snap right out of it or you can linger there for a long time. Can you think of a time when you were really down, or maybe a friend or loved one showed these signs? Sometimes, we don’t notice it in ourselves until the clouds have gone away.
Take off the Mask!
Some of us mask our symptoms. We dress up and put on our best face for the crowd. Show time! In these cases, we have to pay attention to the words, the face that turns away from the crowd. If you are covering up, then it’s time to honestly ask yourself, why? Is your loved one doing the covering up, as quickly as possible, ask them how they’re feeling. Schedule some time for them to open up to you.
Look for the Signs!
I encourage you to learn to look for the signs. It helps tremendously if we catch depression at its onset. Depression robs us of life, so when we notice that we’re no longer interacting with others, or nothing makes us happy it’s really time to seek help. Pray about it immediately. Talk to someone. Make an appointment with a therapist. Get around people who bring out the best in you. We’re available on Facebook @Depression No More.